I was born in darkness
maybe just like everyone else
restricted constricted
from a very young age
no one there to meet my emotional needs
you can only give
what you have received
yourself
I learned to have very little needs
I learned how to be invisible
I learned how to function
pretty good
in a kind of survival mode
I lived in my head
and from my head
I studied computer science
my analytical skills sharpened
I worked as a web developer for a few years
I did not feel alive
I made a cut
I let go of almost all my earthly possessions
I wanted to live from my heart
I lived from my impulses
for a few years
until I had fallen so deeply
only God could rescue me
from there
and He did
now I am trying to rebuild my life
on this new foundation
now I try to find balance
between my heart
and my head
now I practice to trust Him
above everything else
creating
helps me to get to know myself better
to learn about myself
in a safe way
about my yearnings
and my restrictions
creating
helps me to look at myself
from a more healthy distance
and then I find beauty in it
sometimes in the least expected places
in the states of my being
that I did not want to go to
places I was afraid even to look at
and everytime I find beauty in it
it’s like a small reconciliaion
I reconcile with my life
I reconcile with Life itself
just a little bit more